A sense of sadness as I left your place, a good-bye said from a distant room, disappointment from both sides. Rain falling so hard outside. You wanted me to stay and I had to pull away. An amethyst heart in my purse. Earlier, something lingered in the air, a message unspoken, the surface barely broken, both of us afraid.
I see us dancing like electrons around an atom, a push and pull from the issue at hand, both of us desiring to come together but afraid of falling at the same time. What aren’t you telling me? I see a sadness in your eyes, a distance just slightly off center after we’ve connected. A gift given but a part of your energy held back.
You’ve never really been attached before, you tell me you aren’t ready for anything more and encourage me to fly in different directions. You confessed to not giving me too much of yourself for fear I might fall in love with you.
Meanwhile, I stand in observation, part of me on the fence watching this unfold. I’ve been caged before, an inattentive keeper cold and distant, withdrawn. I’ve been kept in silence and isolation for many years, love withheld as punishment for crimes unknown. So much devastation I left behind, the dust just barely cleared, my “cold black heart” caged within the fear of being hurt again.
That’s when you walked in, heaven sent therapy with musical hands, eyes that scare me because of the depth I see within them. A heart so giving and kind. Fire of passion inciting such sweet release. You make me want to fall, you make me want to trust despite my past. Your presence has healed me, given me the strength to help myself move forward. Despite your warnings, I must realize that I have no other choice than to follow my joy and let myself fall, come what may. Your gift of an amethyst heart to protect me.
I need to create, to express and feel. I need to feel in my own skin, my own time and will. Like a breeze that moves with the flow, sometimes I just have to go. To appreciate the moment we’re in and to find stability for the next step, sometimes I just need a moment to center myself, alone in my rituals, alone with my thoughts and my words so that I can see more clearly.
What I see is that you’re the man that makes me forget the past, the one I can’t really compare anyone to. You are all the best parts of so many others and you are also more than all of them combined. You inspire me to heal and thrive further than I have before, you won’t hold me back and I wont fly away any more.