Hands on Fire
My hands tend to run cold on a day to day basis. In fact, I often need to apologize when I first touch my clients so they can prepare for the chill. However, what often happens quite suddenly is that my hands reach a certain area that needs extra attention, they suddenly become really hot and so does the rest of me. It's like I tapped into a funnel of heat and released the valve. I stand there and wait until the heat and often various other sensations wash over me and their body lets me go.
The various other sensations sometimes feel like a mild electrical discharge, a heavy pulsation, and other times it's more of a feeling. I can suddenly feel nausea, dizziness or pain in my body as it leaves. Other times it's emotional, a sudden burst of rage or sadness but it isn't mine, I just need to let it pass. Sometimes there is a delay in when I feel these things and it can be tricky to determine if it's me or something just passing through me.
None of this is new. Since I was little, I've been highly sensitive to the feelings and pains of others. It was debilitating when I had no idea what was happening. This was specially true when I worked in the hospital or when I was in a relationship with someone who was sick. Conventional medicine doesn't have any idea on how to treat this except with psychotherapy and pharmaceuticals.
Often, they think you're a hypochondriac. I had to hit bottom before finding my way to the right helpers. The story is a very long and colorful one of traveling to the Andes and being told by a shaman that it was all energy and that I just needed to learn how to work with it and not be afraid of it. In time I found my way to the Edgar School of Massage Therapy where I started to learn the basics. I learned enough to be able to work with clients and let things move through me. The problem was with the other interactions in my life, parents, family, friends etc.
Another thing that I wish I could still figure out my awareness. Due to years of not quite knowing what's mine and what isn't or sometimes being overwhelmed by it all, I adapted by separating from it. I don't know exactly how this happens, maybe it's a protective compartmentalizing. Sometimes, it feels like I mastered the art of hiding from myself. So I can be under a lot of stress but my conscious mind isn't aware of it because it found ways to escape. Inevitably, my body ends up making my mind aware by showing signs of stress like a canary in the coal mine.
This is one reason I started taking Kundalini Yoga again. Kundalini yoga is like no other yoga you've done before. Using breath and chanting along with some poses it awakens the energy in your body moving it upward. This leads to a higher connection, deeper perception and self awareness.
All healing is self healing and you can't heal without awareness.